


The Curse of Being Creativity

by eccentric_not_weird



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Episode: Dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS, Insecure Roman, Insecure!Roman, Jealous, Jealous Roman, Jealous Virgil, Jealousy, M/M, Manipulative Deceit, Post-Episode: Dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS, Post-Episode: Selfishness v. Selflessness, Prinxiety - Freeform, Roman Angst, jealous!roman, jealous!virgil, mentioned dukexiety, mentioned roceit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2019-11-14
Packaged: 2021-02-06 06:23:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21432778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eccentric_not_weird/pseuds/eccentric_not_weird
Summary: Virgil and Roman are both jealous and hurt
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders
Comments: 15
Kudos: 155





	The Curse of Being Creativity

Roman needed some time for himself. To be alone with his thoughts, after... Remus. 

After his brother showed up. After Roman’s ego was shoved by the drain. After he got knocked out by his brother is the most unflattering way. After he mumbled about _mashed potatoes,_ with his face on the _floor_.

The memories made Roman want to just... close his eyes and lay down for a while. But he kept walking.

The mind scape was incredibly pretty. Tall, old trees, birds chirping, rabbits and deers living their bucolic lives. But then again, the mind scape always looked like a scenery from a fairytale. There was a lake Roman was particularly fond of, where he could stare at it hopelessly and sort his feelings out.

All Roman wanted was some time for himself. _Alone_. But apparently fate was against him.

For Virgil stood in front of the lake Roman dared to call his, a lost look on his face. Worse than lost, Roman realized. Heartbreakingly scared.

“Hey” Roman said, unsure why. He didn’t exactly feel like explaining his thoughts. And Virgil usually liked some privacy when he was vulnerable. But something about how Virgil stood there, not even caring to sit on the grass, looking like the world was swept from his feet... Roman felt like he should help. Maybe that was the knight inside him.

Virgil didn’t even turn around “Hey, Roman” he replied, a numbness to his words that got Roman scared. Scared of what had happened. Scared of what was enough to turn Virgil numb.

“Are you alright, Virgil?” He fried not to cringe at the words. Of course Virgil wasn’t alright. You could see it at his face.

“It’s just... the Others. I thought I could control them, but then Deceit shows up, and Thomas is feeling horrible, and then Remus shows up, and you get hurt, and... it’s just too much. They just... they know how to get under my skin”

“I get that” Roman said, sitting down on the grass. After hesitating for a while, Virgil sat next to him “Wow, Remus– he messes me up, and I know him better than anyone, since I’m his brother”

“You’d be surprised by that” Virgil mumbled, staring at the lake. Then he realized what he just said, and completely froze, fear in his face.

“What does that mean?” Roman asked, only growing more suspicious as Virgil didn’t respond, avoiding his gaze. “Virgil!” Roman almost cringed at the desperation in his words.

“Forget about that”

“I will _not_!”

“I...” Virgil trailed off, looking anywhere but at Roman.

“Yes?” A voice in the back of Roman’s head warned him to not push too far, to not force Virgil to open up to him, to not build that wall between them again. But Roman was a gryffindoor, and, being one, was reckless. And he needed to know what Virgil meant.

“I dated Remus”

Roman hated it. Hated the way his heart stopped at that. Hated the clutch in his heart. Hated the sour taste in his mouth. Hated that day, that _freaking day_, that had been a disaster, from start to what felt like the end of the day. Hated how all he wanted was that day to be over, because he couldn’t take it, all this information, all this–

“Well, I guess that makes sense” Roman tried to not sound desperate and hurt. He was an actor, damnit! But even actors had their limits.

“What? What makes sense?” Virgil could feel it. Feel the unnerving calmness in his words. He could have, should have, put up a better persona. Someone whose soul didn’t feel empty yet raging would have been interested in knowing Virgil’s past.

“Well, they clearly want you back” Keep that steady voice. That uninterested comment. Like someone who didn’t feel like running away.

“They don’t _want me back._ They want me to stop contesting them” Virgil said bitterly.

“That’s not what it _sounded_ like. I could hear while I was...” on the floor? Mumbling like a child? Embarrassing myself? “Passed out. And it _sounded_ like Remus was flirting with you”

“Remus flirts with everyone!” _And so did I_, was what Virgil’s eyes seemed to say. Roman decided to ignore it, ignore the possibility that Virgil only flirted with him to keep up a Dark Side persona. Ignore the way his stomach turned when he heard Virgil talk about Remus like he knew him so well. “And I’m not associating with the Others anymore”

“Yeah, I know that” Roman said, more harsh than he wanted to “Tell me Virgil, did you want to go to the wedding?”

Virgil stared at the lake again, biting his lower lip. He did that when he was anxious, Roman knew.

“No” He admitted “No, that made me anxious. The big crowd, the people looking at Thomas, judging him for not having a boyfriend, that was bad. I did not want to go”

Screw it. Screw the pretending, screw the faked coolness, the acting, the worrying about not seeming desperate.

“Then why didn’t you stay on my side?” Roman blurted, and he was too close to breaking down to caring about how his voice trembled and how he sounded like a bratty baby.

“Because lying is wrong and hurtful! We should stick to our promises! _You_ said that, at the end of the video!”

“We didn’t need to lie! We could have told Lee and Mary Lee the truth, they would understand it! Why didn’t you agree with me when I needed support?”

Virgil didn’t answer, only looked at Roman, his mouth a thin line. Roman felt the back of his eyes burning. No. Not now. Not in front of Virgil. 

“Because Deceit also wanted to go to the callback” Roman whispered, hurt lacing his words “And you would rather be away from him then supporting me”

Virgil’s eyes shimmered. He was building a wall. This was bad. Yet Roman found that he needed to say those words. Needed to express how betrayed he felt by Virgil. So, he did not regret it.

“Deceit seemed like a good enough ally for you to not need my help” Virgil answered, getting angrier by every word “He sure did praise you a lot, _Your Honor”_

“Yes, it was nice, having someone compliment me, say that, for _once_, I was right”

“Oh, I’m sure the flirting was very necessary for sustaining his case!” They were nearly shouting now, their voices echoing in the lake and the mountains surrounding it.

“So _what_? I’m allowed to flirt! I’m allowed to enjoy praising!”

“He was manipulating you, Roman!” Virgil was waving his hands in that helpless way of his “I wasn’t going to take the side of a brainwashed side and Deceit! He was playing you as a puppet and you didn’t care, as long as he said _I love you_and _you’re the best._ Patton could see that he was threatening me, and all that took was Deceit saying _Your Honor _and flashing you a smile and you ignored it!”

Roman also hated that. Hated the guilt that flashed through him. Hated that a part of him wanted to beg Virgil for forgiveness. Hated that Virgil was right. That the _only_ person that flirted with him, that acted like he was interesting, had done so to use him.

“I was not brainwashed, Virgil. Forgive me for enjoying being complimented. Me being interesting for _someone_, despite what you might think, does not interfere with the fact that, from the beginning, you supported a cause you did not believe in only to be against Deceit”

“I am not taking the Other’s side!”

“They sure seem eager for you to do so!” Roman tried, he really did, to not remember the playfulness in Remus’ voice when he said ‘you tickle me, Emo’, or when he said ‘Virgil, you’ve never been one to soften the truth’, like he knew Virgil like the back of his hand. Which, Roman guessed, he knew.

“Do you want to join them, Roman?” They had crossed the limits. They didn’t truly believe the things they said from now on, or maybe they believed too much. Either way, it was hurtful “Go ahead! Join the Others! I know them! Deceit was my best friend for years. Hell, I _dated_ Remus!” Like Roman needed any reminder “I know them! And I do not wish to come back! But if all that it takes for you to be hooked is a compliment, go ahead! Deceit’s _silver tongue_sure will keep you interested!” There was hate in those eyes. Hate, and hurt. Roman was sure there was both in his eyes when he hissed:

“You should try it, you know. Try complimenting me once. Just once. Then you could see the effect on me”

Roman got up. He couldn’t stand it. Couldn’t stand the burning in the back of his eyes, the tightness of his jaw. Couldn’t stand to stare at Virgil, imagining those long fingers intertwined in Remus’ hair, those dark brown eyes of Virgil shining with love and desire. It was painfully easy, really. Remus looked a lot like Roman. All Roman needed to do was add a mustache and a touch of dark and the occasion he’d imagined thousands of times now had Remus in it.

So he walked away, into the middle of the woods. When he was sure Virgil couldn’t hear him, Roman sat down and let out a shaky breath, wanting more than anything to be able to go back in time, to when his thoughts weren’t hunted by the vision of Virgil and his brother kissing.


End file.
